


I Miss You

by onekingdomonce



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Damen's heartache in KR really fucked me up, Hand Jobs, M/M, set in the beginning of Kings Rising, so naturally i had to write about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:35:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8669695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekingdomonce/pseuds/onekingdomonce
Summary: They gazed at each other, the moment still between them. Damen’s heart felt heavy as he stared into Laurent’s eyes, dark and unwavering. It felt as if it had been so long since he had looked into them. So long since they were together. He reached out, and it was then that Laurent rolled onto his stomach. He braced his arms beneath him and lifted his body slightly so he was on his hands and knees, his eyes on the wall. Damen swallowed past the lump in his throat and when he spoke, his voice reflected the way he felt. “Please,” he whispered. “Turn over.”Laurent remained the way he was, his shoulders set. “I do not want to look at you,” he said. His voice was hard. Final.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the beginning ish of KR when Damen starts to really feel the intensity of his feelings and Laurent is acting cold and detached. I think about Laurent’s actions then a lot and I wanted to write how I feel it would have went had they had sex then when things were really tense and hard between them. Different from what I usually write but I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

Damen did not know what he was doing here. All he knew was that he could not sit in his room any longer, thinking of Laurent. He would go mad.

He paced the palace halls and roamed the gardens, trying to clear his head. And yet somehow he ended up here, inside Laurent’s bedchambers.

The guards had given him a strange look before stating that His Highness ordered them to not allow anyone entrance. Damen silenced them with one look before stepping passed them and knocking on the door. He almost hoped he wouldn’t answer, because he had no idea what he was going to say if he did.

And then the door opened, and Damen found himself breathless at the sight of Laurent before him. He tried to control his reaction, but he doubted that he had done a good job of it.

Unlike Damen, Laurent’s gaze was flat. He shot an irritated look at his guards before his gaze fell back on Damen’s. “Great,” he said, his tone dry.

Damen cleared his throat, unsure what to say. “May I come in?” he asked.

Laurent’s gaze remained the same, but he took a step back. “Certainly, Damianos.”

Damen stepped in, closing the door behind him. He had thought of hearing Laurent say his name, in some faraway part of his mind, but not like this.

They stood before each other now, the only noise in the room coming from the howling night wind.

When it was clear that Damen was content just watching him, Laurent raised an impatient brow. “What?” he asked icily.

Damen bristled, although he was growing used to the impersonal way Laurent now spoke to him. He looked around the room before looking back at Laurent. “I… I’ve come to talk,” he said.

“Talk,” Laurent repeated. When Damen said nothing, he raised his brow again. “What? No slaves to entertain?”

Damen looked down at the floor. He was no longer taking slaves. Laurent had to know that.

Damen raised his eyes slowly. “I wanted to see how you were doing,” he ran a hand through his hair, trying to think of what he could say. “To see how you were feeling.”

Laurent raised both eyebrows at that, but his face remained impassive. “My thoughtful barbarian.” His face gave away nothing, and Damen fought to hear an underlying meaning behind the words. Laurent’s eyes scrolled down Damen’s body slowly before making there way back up to his face. Damen felt himself flush, an unnatural reaction for him.

Laurent’s face brightened at this, but not in a happy way. “Shy, lover?”

Damen felt himself flinch at the word. It held the same condescending tone as it had the first time. “Don’t,” he said, his voice quiet.

Laurent smirked, although it held no humor. “No?” he asked. “Is that not what we were?”

Damen took a deep breath, feeling as if this was a trap. “We,” he began, but stopped when he was unsure how to finish. He looked down at his hands and thought of them on Laurent, running down his trembling skin, holding him close as he came in his arms.

He swallowed before speaking again. “I no longer know what I was to you," he said quietly, "but i was yours." 

The smirk fell from Laurent’s face, and he visibly froze. He looked at Damen sharply and spoke, his voice controlled. “Why are you here?” 

Damen shifted, unsure of anything at this point. “I told you, I am here to talk.”

Laurent looked at him, his eyes narrow. His gaze was unwavering, and Damen would be uncomfortable if it did not feel so good to be the center of Laurent’s attention again.

Laurent shut his eyes and remained that way for a few seconds. We he opened them, they looked different. 

They looked definitive. Final. 

Before Damen could say anything more, Laurent stepped forward. His movement was sharp, deliberate. “What are you…” Damen muttered, caught off guard by Laurent’s sudden movement. He watched him carefully as Laurent reached out towards him, unsure of what he was doing.

And then, suddenly, his chiton fell off him in a quick swoop. His body froze as if he was doused in ice water as he looked at his clothes on the floor and up at the pin in Laurent’s hand. 

Laurent stood before Damen, his entire body contradicting itself. His jaw was set, but his breathing was labored. His eyes were narrowed, but his gaze was hot. He dropped the pin on the floor, and before Damen could step forward or react, Laurent reached for his sleeve. 

Slowly, meticulously, he began to unlace the knots. Damen’s eyes widened and his breathing picked up as he watched Laurent pull at them effortlessly, years of practice allowing him to do so with ease. He pulled his jacket off, and began to kick his boots off in a quick, uncharacteristic way.

Damen wanted to speak, but he could form no words. He found himself speechless, both from confusion and arousal.

It was when Laurent reached for his pants that words came back to Damen. “Stop,” he said. “I- I don’t… This isn’t what I am here for.”

Laurent’s hands remained at the laces of his pants as he laughed, a cold and empty sound. “No?” He asked, his tone sardonic. “Suddenly I am not good enough to fuck?”

“That is not-“ Damen ran his hands down his face, trying to control his breathing. He had no idea what was happening, no idea how it got to this point. He could feel his cock hardening, and the throbbing only made it harder to think. 

He wanted this. He knew with every fiber of his being that he wanted Laurent. Wanted to pull him into the sheets and spend hours inside him, kissing every inch of his body with his soft, sweet pants filling his ears, but he could not do this. Not like this. Laurent was not himself. He was angry and he was hurt. Damen had hurt him enough.

“I don’t-,“ he began, but his words cut off as Laurent began to pull his pants down. Damen could feel his restraint slipping away as Laurent kicked his pants to the side and he stood before him naked. 

His eyes lowered and he felt his pulse pound when he saw that Laurent was hard. His gaze remained there and he inhaled slowly, feeling light with the realization that Laurent wanted this. Some part of him wanted this. 

He lifted his eyes back to Laurent’s and he spoke past the dryness in his throat. “Laurent-,” he breathed.

“Don’t speak,” Laurent said, his voice a hard command. “I do not want to hear you.” he stepped forward, closing off the distance between them. Damen opened his mouth to say something, anything, but stopped immediately when he felt Laurent’s hand on his cock.

“ _Ah_ ,” he gasped, his head falling back. He felt all the tension in his body loosen as he went slack in Laurent’s grasp, falling back onto the wall. Everything was a blur, nothing around him in focus other than the feeling of Laurent’s thumb rubbing across hit slit, his palm running down his shaft. He closed his fingers around Damen’s cock and began to move his wrist, pumping Damen slowly.

Damen’s entire body shook, and he felt as if this was the first time he was being touched this way. He licked his lips and pressed his palms into the wall behind him, the stone cool on his touch.

“Laurent,” he gasped.

“I told you to be quiet,” Laurent said, his movements getting quicker. His hand moved up and down Damen’s cock, his grip tightening. His fingers were soft on him, his touch warm, unlike his cold gaze.

Damen’s eyes were closed tightly, and he felt the familiar pressure in his body that he felt when he was close. He was about to push Laurent’s hand off, wanting to be inside him when he came, when the sensation stopped.

He remained on the wall for a few more seconds, allowing his heart rate to slow back down before opening his eyes. He saw Laurent sitting in the middle of the bed, his gaze on Damen’s, daring. 

He watched Laurent without moving, waiting for him to tell him what to do. When Laurent said nothing, he pushed off the wall and took the few steps to the bed, tentatively. 

He stood before him at the edge, feeling as though his heart was going to burst out of his chest. When Laurent remained silent, he lowered himself to the bed, on his knees before him.

He shifted forward slightly, closing off their distance until their knees touched. Damen looked down at that, Laurent’s skin looking white in contrast to his. He looked back up, the silence palpable.

They gazed at each other, the moment still between them. Damen’s heart felt heavy as he stared into Laurent’s eyes, dark and unwavering. It felt as if it had been so long since he had looked into them. So long since they were together. 

He reached out, and it was then that Laurent rolled onto his stomach. He braced his arms beneath him and lifted his body slightly so he was on his hands and knees, his eyes on the wall. 

Damen swallowed past the lump in his throat and when he spoke, his voice reflected the way he felt. “Please,” he whispered. “Turn over.”

Laurent remained the way he was, his shoulders set. “I do not want to look at you,” he said. His voice was hard. Final.

Damen sat back on his heels and tried to think past the pounding of his heart. Laurent acted as if he hated him, as if he wanted nothing to do with him past the obligations of the alliance, yet here he was. Laurent did nothing he did not want to do. Every action had a dozen motives. Despite his words, he wanted this. He wanted Damen, at lease for now, and Damen was going to take whatever Laurent was willing to give him. 

He reached beside the bed and picked up one of the bottles of oil. He removed the top and dipped his fingers inside, coating them liberally. He reached for his cock and exhaled slowly at the contact, spreading the oil around his entire length. His eyes stayed on Laurent and he could see that he was tense, the way he was their first time together. He wanted to turn him onto his back as he did then and hold their hands above his head, their eyes on each other.

But that wasn’t what Laurent wanted, and he needed this to be as good for him as possible. Laurent was giving him this, and he would give him back whatever he could.

He placed a hand on Laurent’s waist, his skin as soft as he remembered. He caressed the skin lightly as he placed his oiled fingers at his hole, rubbing him slowly. He inserted one finger smoothly and felt his body tremble at the tightness around him. He moved his finger in and out before slipping another one in, feeling Laurent stretch around him. He moved his hand slowly, relishing in the feeling.

A few moments passed before Laurent spoke. “Enough,” he pushed out. “Get on with it.” His words were harsh, but his tone was not. Despite his efforts, they came out shaky, showing that he was not as in control of the moment as he was leading Damen to believe.

Damen clung to that as he took a hold of his oiled cock. He placed himself at Laurent’s entrance and then slowly, painfully, he pushed himself in.

His eyes fell shut as all of the breath left his body. He felt powerless at that moment and he knew that nothing would ever compare to this feeling. No one could ever make him feel like this again. 

Laurent let out a sound, so soft that he knew he was trying to mask it from Damen. His back remained tense, but his head had dropped forward, his shoulders rising and falling. Damen felt his chest heaving as he began to move, his thrusts pressing their hips together. He dropped his forehead onto Laurent’s back and inhaled, his entire body coming alive at the feeling of Laurent’s body beneath his, his flesh squeezing around Damen’s cock, dragging against his skin as he pushed into him.

He felt like his heart was expanding with every press. He was overwhelmed with it, overwhelmed with how it felt to have Laurent back in his arms. He wrapped himself around Laurent’s chest and pressed his face into his back, breathing in slow, shallow gasps. He felt driven by the need to hold onto this moment and make it last as long as he could, because he knew it would stay with him for the rest of his life. 

He continued to rock his hips, achingly slow. His moves were delicate, his touches light. He remembered the way Laurent fell apart beneath his soft kisses, showing him a gentle side he had never seen before. He turned his face forward and pressed soft, deliberate kisses on his back, working his way up his spine. Laurent’s body shook beneath his and he tried to focus on that, on his soft panting, instead of the growing pressure in his chest.

He continued his trail of kisses until he reached his neck where his hair rested, moving slightly with their body’s movements. He brushed it aside and pressed his lips on the soft skin, letting them linger there. He could not see Laurent’s face from this angle, but he had the sheets clutched tightly in fists, his knuckles white. 

“ _Laurent_ ,” he whispered, a soft caress. 

Laurent did not respond, but he continued to move his body, pressing his hips back into Damen’s. They rocked against each other, their rhythm breathless and tender. Everything blurred together as their bodies moved as one. Damen felt Laurent clench around him just as he felt the building pressure in his stomach, and he felt helpless as their time together started to slip out of his fingers. _Not yet_ , he though. _I'm not ready to let go yet_.

He felt Laurent’s body begin to shake and he pressed himself to him, holding him as close as he could as he dropped his head to Laurent’s shoulder, finding his release along with him.

“I miss you,” Damen said, the words falling from his mouth without thought. “I miss you so much. I’m so sorry,” his body shook, his grip on Laurent tightening. “I wish I could change everything. I wish it wasn’t like this.”

Laurent’s body gave out and he fell onto the bed, his breathing ragged. Damen collapsed next to him and he just laid there, his chest rising and falling.

They said nothing at first, neither of them making a sound. Damen closed his eyes as he tried to block out the empty feeling growing inside him. He took in a large breath of air and he opened his eyes slowly as the gravity of his words settled on him. 

“Laurent,” he said quietly. He reached out slowly, unsure how to proceed. He rested his hand lightly on Laurent’s arm and felt his heart speed up when he did not pull away. His eyes remained closed and he simply laid there, his face still slightly flushed. 

He moved his hand up his arm, his breathing still. He reached his cheek and watched Laurent closely as he moved his fingers, brushing the skin hesitantly. 

It was then that Laurent’s eyes snapped open, and Damen’s entire body froze at how cold they were. He had not looked at Damen like that since Arles. 

His body tensed up as he recoiled from his touch. He rose from the bed and took quick steps away from him.

Damen pushed himself off the bed and followed, standing in front of him, a touch away. He reached out, and Laurent spun his body around, placing his hands on the wall. He leaned his head against his arms, and his shoulders rose in deep, tense breathes. 

“I hope you enjoyed that,” Laurent said, his voice unsteady, “because you will never touch me again.”

Damen stopped moving, and he felt his entire body come to a halt. He felt as though his heart stopped beating, his blood no longer pumping. His mouth opened and closed quickly after. He did not know what to say, and he did not think he could speak if he wanted to.

Laurent turned, his chest still heaving. Damen could see the cum on his stomach, running down his body in slow streaks. Damen made a choked sound in his throat, the sight too much.

Laurent took a step forward, his fists clenched. He said nothing at first, waiting for Damen to attempt something. When Damen remained still, his eyes narrowed. “ _Get out_ ,” he nearly spat.

Damen had to leave. He wanted nothing more than to pull Laurent into his embrace and run his fingers across the harsh creases of his face, kissing the skin after, but he could not. His time was up. He had already taken too much tonight, more than he thought he would be able to. 

He took a step back and bent down, reaching for his chiton. He pulled it over himself and pinned it against his shoulder, feeling the cool fabric against his skin. He turned slowly and took the remaining steps to the door, his entire body feeling heavy. With a hand on the wall he took one last glance back and saw Laurent sitting on the edge of the bed, his face in his hands. 

Damen gathered up all the strength he could muster and stepped into the hall, feeling as if he left his heart behind him in the room.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m trying to push off re reading the books so it will be as fresh as possible when I eventually do, so I hope their actions and words were not too out of character for that part of the book. 
> 
> It was hard writing them so sad, but my next one will probably be all about the rimming so all will be right in the world again.
> 
> http://laurent-ofvere.tumblr.com


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